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March 8th, 2007
06:55 pm - Rough day.
Alfie died last night. She lasted almost 17 years. I am heartbroken. Completely heartbroken.
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September 24th, 2006
06:05 pm - bleh
Am bored. Which is the most amazing statement ever, considering that it is a Sunday in September. In the past, I would be doing homework. But no longer. I am all graduated now. which continues to be weird...although the weirdness is mostly a result of the complete LACK of what I feel should be weirdness. Explanation: for the first time in 17 years, I did not have to go to school the day after labor day. I have not had homework for the past 4 months. I go to work every day and come home and go to bed when I want and on the weekends I can lounge to my heart's content. So what is strange is that all of this doesn't FEEL strange. It feels perfectly natural and i LOVE it.
So anyway, I FINALLY started my job, three months AFTER it was supposed to start, but whatever. It is absolutely amazing. I have my own office, which I have decorated with pictures of my favorite places including Rome, Manarola, NYU's campus in Florence, Washington Square Park, and the New York skyline. And a picture of me, Mom, Dad, Glo and Jerry in front of Madison Square Garden at graduation sits on my desk. As soon as I can actually afford to get my diploma framed I will put it up too. And maybe a picture of Alfie.
This past week we had a welcome back week for the juniors and seniors, who are all so cute and excited about life. Most of them have just transferred to NYU and have not yet had the joy of life sucked out of them by nightly library visits, walking through twenty inch snow, or being accosted by homeless crazies on a daily basis. But they will learn soon. Last Sunday we had a recruitment event, an open house for seniors in high school who are considering NYU. They are so LITTLE, and excited. it is sweet. Next week we have the welcome event for the grad students. Basically, what all this means is that I have not found a 10-6 job as I had expected. I have found a work-all-the-freaking-time job, a work 10-6, but also nights and weekends job. Great.
Friday is my first real payday in...well, forever. And I am super excited. I am hoping that Jacqui and Sarah and I will go to Outback to celebrate. Yes, this is New York City and going to chain restaurtants like Outback is generally regarded as a joke and something that should be avoided at ALL costs. However, we went last summer for fun, got incredibly wasted and then walked the 20 blocks home, and have been meaning to repeat it eversince. I can't wait.
Anyway, I am thinking the next time I will make it to Cincinnati will probably be at Thanksgiving, and maybe again for Christmas, although that seems very up in the air. It has now been over nine months since I have been to Ohio and I am definitely missing it. Anyway, we will see what happens...
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July 23rd, 2006
11:40 pm - What is going on with me.
It occurred to me that I have not updated this thing for real in quite a long time. Life is good, but challenging. So I graduated in May-clearly. It was insane. Mom, Dad, Glo, and Jerry all came up to New York for the event. I have yet to get my actual diploma, sadly. I suspect that it is sitting in Cincinnati waiting for me. The day after graduation, I moved into our new apartment. The apartment search was a 2 month long extravaganza of stress. We found a place literally 4 days before I was kicked out of the dorm. My parents helped us move in on May 12-seriosuly an exhausting week. The next two weeks was spent making Ikea trips and painting. The apartment has turned out absolutely gorgeous. It is on the corner of 9th Street and 2nd Ave, conveniently located above Starbucks. I LOVE the East Village. I am so glad I got We got white couches-not always the smartest idea, but they were on sale. It actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, since they are bleachable. So far they have had a serious run in with red wine, blood (don't ask), soy sauce, and blue curacao. Youc an see pictures of the apartment on facebook under the apartment album. It has become a real home. Sarah and Jacqui and I work very well together. We have already hosted several INSANE parties here, all of which seem to get inexplicably out of hand. Highlights include:
Me trimming Paul's happy trail in my bed with sewing scissors.
Alexander Farbstein huddling under the dining room table because he was unable to function.
Me kicking a group of pot-smoking strangers out of the apartment because they refused to stop smoking in Jacqui's room.
Cleaning up vomit in various locations and then seeing Jena Malone at the 24 hour Ukranian Diner across the street.
Life after college has been pretty tough. I have been waiting around for the real world to start, and it seems like it will be beginning in a few weeks. My part time job in the Applied Psychology Department looks like it will be turning into a full time job fairly soon. I will be the academic advisor for 100 Undergrads and 300 graduate students. Overwhelming much? I will be making about a decent salary, plus benefits, PLUS I can go to grad school for free. All of which I am excited about. The real job will probably start around the 14th of August. It is a little intimidating.
We have fairly frequent visitors sleeping on our couch. So far we have had Sarah's brother Cooper for a week, Jacqui's friend Soozy for random nights, Anne for two weeks, and various drunken people who stay for the night. Jacqui's step-sister will be here for a week in August. Hopefully Nancy will be spending a few nights here in August. And I am very excited that Josh is coming to NYC soon!
The summer has been good. Paul and I went to the Rufus Wainwright concert at Carnegie Hall in June. He was performing Judy Garland's legendary 1961 comeback concert. It was amazing. It was the gayest event I have ever experienced, in a word: fabulous.
Paul and I also attended "Broadway Under the Stars" which is this huge free concert thing in Central Park every year. A bunch of famous broadwayers perform random broadway songs on the Great Lawn. It was glorious. Everyone takes a blanket, wine, and a picnic dinner and watches the show and there are fireworks afterwards.
I went to Washington to visit the parents a couple weeks ago. Initially, I was only supposed to stay a week (the first of July). But I loved it out west so much, I extended the trip for another week. My parents are in Bellingham right now. It is about an hour north of Seattle, and 45 minutes south of Canada. On one side is the pacific ocean, and on the other there are just mountains. We spent a lot of time communing with nature. Which was glorious after being in New York for 7 months straight.
The weather here is slowly draining us of our will to live. It is so humid and so hot that it is awful to go outside. But you have to go outside to get anywhere. So whatever. I am excited for the fall. Nancy will be in DC which is a scant 3 hour busride away. I can see her more than once every 4 or 5 months. It is so nice to know that the Chinatown bus will be available to me for just $35 and I can see Nancy whenever.
I am a little disappointed to find out that BD has abandoned hope of coming here. I plan on working on her a little longer.
Hope you are all doing well.
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June 21st, 2006
11:59 pm - Stolen from kara
Wasting time before going to see The Lake House....If I get bored enough I will try to provide a real update soon...
Part 1: The Birth of You.
Were you a planned baby?:Very planned.
Were you the first?: No
Who was present at your birth? My mom (obviously), Dad, Justin, and Grandma
Were your parents married when you were born?: Yes, for 6 years
What is your birth date?: 3/4/84
Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family? Huge, insane, fun, and exhaustiong.
Are your parents married? Divorced? Separated?: Very married
Siblings or an only child?: 1 sibling, Justin
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:Youngest...
Which parent do you get along with best?: Tricky. Mom annoys me much more than Dad. But I talk to Mom a lot more. I get along with them equally-just different.
What do you fight about?: I don't know? We don't really fight.
Do you have step parents?:No
Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: Yes. Ish
Who are your best friends? Nancy, Sarah, and Jacqui
Do you share the same interest? Ummm...not really.
Part 4: Your Personality
Do you get depressed about things easily?:No
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?: Ha. Depends on how drunk I am... and who I am with.
Are you happy? Eh. What is happy? I believe in suicidal and normal. I am normal.
Do you live life to the fullest?: Stupid question. It is a little meaningless...
Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?: No. Although I don't think it is possible to be satisfied with looks in our society, so it is sorta a trick question.
Do you have any piercings other than your ears? Nope.
Describe your hair? Annoying.
What make-up do you wear?: Umm, depends on how early I wake up. Usually blush, eyeshadow and mascara.
How do you dress?: Pretty normal..
Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?: Very.
What did you used to love that you no longer do? Ummm...skip-it?
Do you have the same friends?: A couple.
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: A better question would be: Is there anything in your past that WASN'T traumatizing?
Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: To get my Ph.D., be respected, loved, and to have integrity.
Are you scared of growing old?: Terrified.
Do you want to get married? Yes
Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Depends on the weather...
What is your favorite season: Hmmm...In cincinnati-winter. In New York, Spring
Favorite weather? Hmmm, 70 degrees, not humid, and perfectly sunny.
Do you like walking in the rain?: No.
Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?: Absolutely not.
What is your favorite food? Hmmm...don't know. I like anything as long as it is cooked well...
What food makes you want to gag?: Ummm, cooked peas.
What is your favorite dessert?: Icecream.
What is your favorite restaurant?: Ummm, in New York-Supper. In Florence-Acqua Al Due. In Cincinnati-Skyline
Are you a fussy eater? Not even close...
Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: Very Single.
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: yes and no.
Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?: Studying in Europe.
What was one of your worst? Hmmm...I don't know.
Have you ever thought you were going to die? Yes
Have you ever suffered from depression?: Yes
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March 23rd, 2006
12:13 am - Ummmm...
So, here I am. It has been awhile. Apparently I never update this thing. Clearly I am either drunk or have a paper to do... In this case it is both. Damnit. So Michelle's friend won this free happy hour at a bar here, called Down the Hatch. It is this trashy college bar, but with a ridiculous mix of people. So anyone that the friend put on the list could drink for free between 9 and 10 tonight. So Michelle, her friend Chris who is staying with us right now, and Maggie and I went. And it was the most ridiculous experience of life. The drinks were insanely strong and AWFUL. And so I drank 3 vodka tonics as quickly as possible and then Maggie couldn't finish her two drinks so I helped her. Which was stupid. After a brief stop at Paul's to sing "In Your Eyes" I finally came home. And now I have a paper to write. it is really just an easy little two page thing, that doesn't REALLY affect my grade as long as I turn it in, but still. The professor READs them which means it would be nice if it was coherent. However, there are a whole string of problems concerning the coherence of this paper:
1. I did not buy (and thus, did not read) the book which was supposed to be the primary focus of the readings.
2. I have not yet read the other court cases which I do have, which are supposed to be the NOT primary focus of the paper.
3. I am still drunk.
Earlier, for dinner, Jan and Maggie came over and we had a skyline dinner. mmmm skyline. And Jan was like I don't understand how you can do that-Go drinking and then write a paper. (of course Jan is a perfect student and he always writes his papers beforehand...), and my reasoning was: how many times in college have I had the chance to go to a bar and drink FOR FREE? and how many times in college have i had to write a paper? Well, the answer to the first was never. And the answer to the second was...oooh, 100? So clearly, this was an important event to attend. This is officially meaningless ramble. And I am just using Livejournal as a tool to procrastinate while I sober up to write my paper.
In other news i am going to visit my parents this weekend. It is my mom's birthday on Sunday. Originally, the parents were going to come up here for the weekend and we were going to DO the town. But then Dad got laid off and they didn't want to spend the money. Oh Yeah. Dad got laid off. Again. This is like the 4th time in the past 4 years. It is complete insanity. And sad. So now everything is all crazy and up in the air again. he applied to jobs in California, Louisiana, and South Carolina. He should hear back in the next couple days. So that should be interesting.
In other news, my boss is on vacation this week, so I am getting ataste of the forreal academic advising life. And it is going good. I really hope I get the job there. I do not remember the last time I updated. So if you do not know about this potential job, it is as an academic advisor in the Applied Psychology department here. I would be advising Masters students. And I could go to grad school here for free. Which would be wondrous. And Sarah and Jacqui and I are currently searching for an apartment. I am excited.
Damnit. it is after midnight. I have to read (skim) and write (BS) this paper (piece of shit) now. Miss you all.
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February 24th, 2006
January 29th, 2006
10:54 pm - Thanks to Nancy, for giving me a way to procrastinate...
Q: WHOS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
A: Johnny
Q: WHATS YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
A: It is this awful ring that Weasel put on it over Christmas, which meows... I HATE the ring, but now it reminds me of Weez, so I kept it.
Q: WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
A: Watching Silence of the Lambs. What a great movie.
Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY?
A: "Via Della Zoccolette 95 Avenue A, corner of 6th St at 6:30 pm."
Q: WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A: White-actually an old tshirt of my dad's, celebrating the 1996 Kentucky Wildcats' national championship.
Q: HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE
A: What list?
Q: WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW?
A: orange.
Q: MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
A: Silence of the Lambs and Pocahontas. One right after the other. Amazing.
Q: NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES
A: NYU ID card, keys, cell phone
Q: WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
a: Blue and White.
Q: HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
A. Ha. Ha. Ha. maybe one dollar...and even less in my bankaccount. Yay overdrawing!
Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken?
A: Breasts, baby.
Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: Oh lord, Rome. Easy.
Q: I can't wait to (til)...?
A: graduate...and have a job settled...and an apartment. So approximately May 15 is looking good.
Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: January 7.
Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: Same day
Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: Today
Q: Who got you to join livejournal?
A: Ujournal got me to join when it broke. Thanks for nothing ujournal.
Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: Ummm...ramen?
Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: well, I have been at oxford press since september. And the applied psychology department since december.
Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: Michelle's desk, two closets, and the bathroom.
Q: What is the last thing/person you spent over $100 on?
A. My credit card bill. that is sad.
Q: Who's your favorite villain?
A: Ursula.
Q: Whats the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A. Ummm...I stole a couple of my dad's t shirts to sleep in because I didn't pack well.
Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: NYU email, NYtimes, facebook, NYU careerservices.
Q: Do you have an air freshener in your car?
A: I do not have a car. But I have a candle lit on my desk, and an oil burner thing on the table.
Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: On rare occasions we have flowers...
Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: My back, shoulders, and neck. As always.
Q: What city was your last taxicab ride in?
A: New York. Clearly.
Q: Do you own a picture phone?
A: No. I don't fully believe in them
Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Caramel Macchiato, with an extra shot.
Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: Thursday night.
_____Bests_______
1. female friend: Nancy and Sarah
2. Vacation: Either Rome with the boys, Rome with Nancy, or Hamburg with Paul and Char
3. age: Um. I guess 21?
4. memory: Hard question. The Pantsless Party, The driving part of mine and Nancy's road trip to SC, My 20th birthday, going into the Sistine chapel for the first time, The first kings night in Florence, water fights in chemistry, dairy queen at home with Nancy two summers ago.
______Worst________
1. Time of day: the first half hour after the alarm clock goes off.
2. Day of the week: Sundays.
3. Food: Cooked Peas.
4. Memory: probably hearing from a nurse that my grandma had "expired"
_______Lasts__________
1. Person u saw: Michelle and Jacqui
2. Talked on the phone with: Paul
4. IM: Nancy, John, Johnny
_______today________
1. What are you doing now: procrastinating from translating Cicero.
2. What are you doing tonight: probably procrastinating for another hour, then finally doing only half of my homework before falling asleep.
3. What are you wearing: huge sweatpants and Dad's shirt
4. What did you eat for lunch: Well, i ate breakfast at 11 (had a plain toasted bagel with cream cheese, courtesy of Michelle, and coffee, courtesy of starbucks), and ate lunch at 4 (pizza and a salad)
5: Better than yesterday: Ha. not by a loooooong shot
________tomorrow___________
1. Is: Monday
2. Got any plans: three classes, work, and homework.
3. Goal: remember to ask Corinne to be a reference for Random House.
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: it isn't saturday.
________Fav's__________
1. Number: 16?
2: Song: "First Day of My Life," Bright Eyes.
3. Color: purple?
4. Season: Fall.
5. State: don't have one... maybe Montana.
________Currently_________
1. Are you in love?: I think no.
2. Dating someone: No.
3. Missing someone: Always.
4. Mood: Tired. Cranky. Sad.
5. Wanting: sleep. for days. I want to sleep for days.
And now, Nancy is online to entertain me and further prevent productivity from occurring. So I can be done here.
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December 28th, 2005
02:18 am - Laughing and driving.
Had a wondrous day and an equally great night. I managed to sleep in till 2:30, which is officially my first real sleep of the break. It was incredible. I then awoke and lazed around until Nancy came over and I finally showered, etc. We headed to a liquor store on Beechmont to buy Potts' present and then to the mall to browse. I bought a lot of shampoo and chapstick. yum. Then we went back to my house where we made CDs and THEN to Carrabbas, the new "italian" place at Beechmont mall to meet Josh. Who continues to be amazing. Afterwards, we met the group at the bowling alley for another round of craziness. Highlights include Potts drinking an entire pitcher of beer alone, Weasel continuously lowering Nancy's score on the computer, BD bowling like a fucking CHAMP, and me finally breaking 100. Afterwards we headed to Steak N Shake and then Nancy and I drove around singing/talking for an hour. Awesome. Days like today make up for the awfulness that parts of the break have been. Anyway, it was just a great night. It was super good to see Josh again. Nancy and I discussed what we liked so much about him and we both commented how much we like that he thinks before he speaks. Clearly this is a quality that both nancy and i lack, but one gets the feeling with Josh that he chooses his words carefully to say exactly what he means to say. I wish i could be a little more like that.
Anyway, it has been a relatively good christmas, except for the presence of my brother in my house which always manages to ruin life. Among the chief reasons why he does this are:
1. the house smells like cigarette smoke
2. he is an asshole
3. his big awful dog chewed up my favorite heels (which were EXPENSIVE and he refuses to replace them).
However, it is good to spend time with Nancy, who i feel like i get to see less and less. And I shopped with Paul. BUT ALAS, Nancy says she does not like Paul, which breaks my heart, because I fucking LOVE him. So that is a shame. however, I am not one who is bothered by my friends not liking each other. I love them both. Paul was ridiculous as always. I believe we are spending New Year's Eve together, however neither of us have plans, so we are uncertain of just WHAT we are doing. Regardless it will be good times.
Anyway, I have become too busy to finish this. Will try to update later. It probably won't happen.
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December 13th, 2005
10:32 pm - Yes, I am a bandwagon whore....and I need a procrastination tool
January
"Ok, so things in Florence are going well."
"Buona Sera!"
February
"Hopefuly a big update will be coming soon. But for now, my pictures have been
updated!"
"I have to get up early tomorrow to catch my train to Ravenna."
March
"Well, last night started the official kick off of the "Jen's 21st Birthday
Extravaganza" celebration."
" I got my Gender and Family midterm back: A- for that piece of shit I turned
in. I LOVE Italy."
May
"So, am finally back in the States. Coming home has been a ridiculously weird
experience for me."
"Although loads of other crazy stuff going on-my parents are thinking about
selling the house and mom would move up here to PA to be with Dad...which has so
many other implications for me that it is frightening to think about."
June
"So I have just downloaded a client for Livejournal and it may be the highlight
of my week."
" Is not gonna be easy, especially while she is on Mount Kilamanjaro."
July
"This is going to be rambling and probably nonsensical because, a. I am partially
drunk, and b. have not had more than 5 hours of sleep/night in the past 20
years."
"All I know is that this life is passing quickly. And soon, high school, college,
my dissertation, marriage, kids...life will only be a memory, an entire spectrum
of memories so alive and vibrant within an aging body, whose time is nearly
gone. And yet the sidewalks shall still sparkle..."
August
"Tonight, I would like to take the time to discuss Nancy (and the rest of the AP
physics group.)"
"I guess all that is left to say is GO TEAM!"
September
"Already exhausted. School started only four days ago and already it is old."
"It is amazing how four days back and the tension in my neck and back are right
back with avengeance."
November
"I have officially hit rockbottom right now. So in exactly 5 hours I have two
essays due."
"Total hours of sleep between friday and saturday nights: 4. Fuck me."
December
"SO that sufficiently wasted a lil of my time. And it is now after two, which
means I left the library 3 hours ago with the hope of finishing my work here and
have done nothing."
"Suffice it to say that in the next five days, I have two take home finals due
(30 pages), a Latin final, a German test, a Christmas dinner party for 7 to
arrange/cook for, and a post dinner party BIG party to arrange/cook for, and
Christmas presents to buy. Kill me now."
So, another really good method of time wasting. But I now have to get back to my Jesus final, which is basically me writing an essay explaining why he was no one special. Awesome.
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December 12th, 2005
02:29 am - Procrastination.
01. What is your middle name? Anne
02. Last person you kissed? Johnny Degliuomini. That is horrific.
03. What are you listening to right now? The drunk men outside singing in Union Square.
04. Last 2 digits of your phone number? 16. Of course.
05. Last thing you ate? Spice... Red Chicken Curry and Shrimp Fritters. Mmmm...
06. Last person you hugged: Anne, as she cried on my shoulder.
07. How is the weather right now? Cold, but not frigid. a few flurries.
08. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Umm, either my mom, Jan, Sarah, or Anne?
09. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Clothes. God, what a hideously New York answer.
10. Last thing that made you feel warm inside? Ummm...probably when Sarah bought me yet another dinner tonight and I realized how lucky I was to have found such an amazing friend, who takes care of me selflessly all the time.
11. Do you drink? Too much.
12. Do you smoke? Never.
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Again..too much. Recent examples include: drunk dialling Nancy and explaining to her why I am a drunk Protestant, and why she needs to fix her life and how I suggest she do it. There is another good friend for you. Who else would put up with that bullshit?
14. Hair color? Brownish
15. Eye color? Brown
16. Do you wear contacts? No. Although at this rate, it is looking worse and worse.
18. When's your Birthday? March 4th.
19. Have you ever cried for no reason? Oh yeah. Although not so much anymore.
20. Last Movie You Watched? Syriana. Incredibly upsetting, but GOOD.
21. Last time you were at work? Friday. Unless the 11 hours spent at the library today count...
22. Last time you were out of your town? Out of my town meaning NYC, then Thanksgiving when I was home.
23. Last time you went bowling? Over the summer. And what a good night it was. With Nathan, Josh, Nancy, Potts, Brittany, and Allie. Good times.
24. Something unusual about you? I LOVE dead languages.
25. Favorite breakfast food? Mmm, Biscuits with sausage gravy. I have a lil of my dad's southerness in me.
26. Favorite color? Changes. Usually a pink or purple or red or blue. So I guess I don't have a favorite color.
27. What are you afraid of? Dying alone. Debt. Being a burden to my parents. The next seven months of my life.
28. If you could take a trip anywhere where would it be? Greece or Isreal.
9. What books are you reading? For pleasure, the Unbearable Lightness of Being (which I have suspended reading because Emily told me the end of it)...and The Dogs of Babel. For NOT pleasure, The Historical Jesus, Lucretius, and Religion after September 11.
30. Piercings? Ears only.
31. Favorite movie? I hate this question. Who can choose just one? I will put Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth version), Airplane, and State and Maine at the top of the list though.
32. Favorite basketball team? I have not watched basketball since Michael Jordan retired the last time. So none.
33. What were you doing before you filled this out? Working on my Jesus final and talking to Jan online. So this is clearly procrastination at its finest right now...
34. Any pets? my baby, Alfie, and Pudentane
35. Instant Messanger Name? Jebady
36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Butter AND salted.
37. Dogs or cats? Dogs
38. Favorite Flower? Roses, cliche I know.
39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? That would be one BIG yes.
40. Are you single or taken? Completely attachment free. Unless you count my recent marriage to Sarah on the facebook...
41. Have you ever loved someone? Yes.
42. Who would you like to see right now? Umm...I am pretty content in my loneliness right now. But I guess Nancy.
43. What's your occupation? Well at present I am three things: 1. editorial intern at Oxford University Press, 2. Office Assistant in the Applied Psychology Department, and 3. Illegal sollicitor for the New York School of Bartending. And I am still broke. What the fuck?
44. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope.
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right.
47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be? Ummm, probably any of my friends...Nancy, Sarah, Jan, or Paul?
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
49. Are you missing someone? Always.
50. Do you have a Tattoo? No. Although i sorta regret that fact.
51. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday mornings? God, when was the last time i even SAW a Saturday morning?
52. Do you like guys in girl jeans? If they look good, sure.
54. What are you getting for x-mas? Let's see, so far I know I am getting a new digital camera and DVD player from my parents. And Michelle's parents are getting me some form of shoes...
55. Are you happy with your life? I spose.
56. What do you wanna be when you grow up? A Professor of Classics.
57. Do you like girls that are sluts or good girls? Doesn't really matter. As long as they are nice people.
58. Are you a virgin? Ha. no.
59. what is you fav tv. show? Oh God, Friends all the way. Or I Love Lucy.
60. Whould you rather go out with a skater/punk rocker or football player/prep? Probably neither. let's be honest. But if I have to choose, I guess a football player...who happens to be indcredibly intelligent and funny.
SO that sufficiently wasted a lil of my time. And it is now after two, which means I left the library 3 hours ago with the hope of finishing my work here and have done nothing. Well nothing productive anyway. Damn. So I realize I haven't updated in a while. My life continues to spin out of control. As usual. But sadly, I don't have the time to talk about it. Suffice it to say that in the next five days, I have two take home finals due (30 pages), a Latin final, a German test, a Christmas dinner party for 7 to arrange/cook for, and a post dinner party BIG party to arrange/cook for, and Christmas presents to buy. Kill me now.
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November 13th, 2005
07:35 am - lowpoint...now
I have officially hit rockbottom right now. So in exactly 5 hours I have two essays due. One is nearly the finished. The other is barely started. I have not read the books they are based on.
This weekend was Maggie's 21st Birthday so we did it up styles. First we started off with a potluck dinner of sorts at her apartment. Which quickly turned into us just sitting a drinking...a lot. From there we headed down the street to "Big Bar" which is a total misnomer; it is freaking tiny. Once we closed that bar down, we headed to Odessa, a diner on Ave. A. By this time, most of the group had left us and it was only Sarah, Anne, Jan, the Birthday Girl, Alexander Farbstein and myself. A group I adore. a lot. We stayed there until about 4:30.
At which point we finally decide to adjourn to our various homes; jan and sarah to 13th st., anne to carlyle, and me to the library. the fucking library. drunk. to write my two essays.
Which is where we are at now. hopelessly fucked. i am constantgly amazed at my ability to be so stupid. always. Tomorrow, meanign today since it is 7am, and it seems silly to call it tomorrow when we are already 7 hours into the day...is going to be ROUGH. I am still recovering from the battle wounds of Friday night, which include but are not limited to: an inexplicably bruised hand (not only on my knuckle but on my palm...i have never had a bruise there before...), a slightly impaired right eye (also inexplicably), and a stomach which refuses to calm down. On Friday we had a Via Guido Monaco reunion which was lovely, but exhausting. After that, Sarah and I went to vist John Andrew Martinez and ended up staying out hideously late again. I am getting too old to do this craziness. Anyway, Friday night brought with it several interesting revelations. The first was that Sarah, as suspected, definitely did tell Jacqui that she had a huge crush on her. The other was that Anne really likes Jan...a lot. Which definitely complcated things. Not because I want Jan, but because we have gotten to be close friends, so everytime we are all together, I feel like I should be less friendly with him, so that Anne will not think I am encroaching. But Jan and I are naturally VERY friendly. So, while it was definitely an interesting piece of gossip, it has made life a little awkward for me.
Anyway, last night was hysterical. I love these people. LOVE them. If you put Paul, Maggie, Sarah, Alexander Fabstein, Jan, Anne, and I into a room together (preferably a room which also served as a wine cellar), I could efficiently waste a good three weeks or so. Easy. Speaking of wine, Maggie had some 22 year old wine at the party tonight and DEAR GOD. Heaven on earth. I have never tasted wine like that. It was the smoothest thing ever. I can not get over it...like at all. SO good. Which reminds me of why I want to not be poor. I would really like to be able to enjoy things like that more often than when my rich friends take pity on my poor ass. Sarah and Anne are going to Prague next semester. I am so jealous. I miss Europe. I miss not having resposibility. So the typical foursome of this semester, Anne, Sarah, Jan and I, will be come just Jan and I. Which is good and bad. Jan and I will probably spend our time together in diners late at night discussing politics and our love of salt, or going to pretentious concerts. But the drunken craziness will definitely be lacking a little bit. Which is a shame.
Fucking A. It is 7:33. I have to stop writing this and concentrate on Marx and Weber. both of which i hate....a lot....like more than I can explain.
Papers are due in 4.5 hours.
Chipotle in 6.5 hours.
Total hours of sleep between friday and saturday nights: 4. Fuck me.
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September 25th, 2005
12:06 pm - Shocking.
You are a
Social Liberal
(75% permissive)
and an...
Economic Liberal
(28% permissive)
You are best described as a:
Democrat
Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid |
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September 9th, 2005
10:44 pm - "My choice is what I choose to do, and if I am causing no harm, it shouldn't bother you."
Already exhausted. School started only four days ago and already it is old. this past summer I had become convinced that maybe I wasn't entirely burnt out on this whole college thing. I mean it has been over 8 months since I have really done it. And then the first week of classes started and I remembered why I was sick of the whole thing. I think college has become increasingly less fun as I get older and sort of tired of the whole college, drink into olblivion and "oh my god i had the most insane night of my life this weekend" spiel. I'm not sure exactly what is irking me about the whole thing right now. I guess I am just sick of the people that I seem constantly surrounded with who can't remember the last night they weren't drunk. It was funny, because today at dinner we were having a conversation about 'adults' and how the older people were getting the older their idea of an 'adult' got. And I was thinking just the opposite. I was thinking how it is easy for people whose parents consistantly deposit money into their accounts to discuss how adulthood seemed far away. Meanwhile, I am stressed about money to no end. And it is not only that. But I am sick of the communications majors and the early childhood education majors, etc. At NYU there are certain majors such as these which are renouned for being easier. And somehow, as usual, I have placed myself into two majors which are renouned for their intense amount of work and serious study required. It is like I search for the thing that requires the most amount of work and then go after it. I don't understand why I do this. I always have. My mind is drawn to 11th grade English, when Mrs. Fisher gave us two options: we could read one long difficult book, or two short easy books. So what do I choose? The long hard one. But why? cause I like a challenge? Maybe. I just don't know. All I know is that the trend is continuing and it is exhausting and self destructive. Sometimes it is just better to choose the easy route. Maybe I am just dumb. Like Belle's father in "Beauty and the Beast" when he is at a fork in the road and chooses the incredibly scary looking one instead of the nice, well-lit one. I mean, the fucking horse knew better, and yet he still chooses the other direction. I mean, in the end Belle's father turned out to be a mad genius sort of person, so I guess I am not upset that we share bad decision making skills, but still...
So I think that basically my life is falling apart right now. It is like everything that has always been there for me as support is slowly crumbling and I am left standing on one lonely stilt-confused and doing a pretty intense balancing act that could end badly at any time. First it is the whole home thing. In the whole craziness of the New York experience, going home has been a calm, tranquil place-where I could relax and be totally at ease. Now my parents are selling the house, which is heart breaking for so many different reasons. It has been such a comforting place, and so many wonderful memories took place there, and I had envisioned so many more happening there and now I may never even set foot in it again.
In other discomforting news, I had to quit my job. Well, I didn't HAVE to, but I opted to in hope of something better to come along. I could tell I was going to drive myself crazy running back and forth and my class schedule only allows for about 10 hours of work a week, which is basically like nothing. So after three years there, I up and quit. And cried the rest of the day. The people at work have actually been my new york family. They are the ones who I know I can turn to if I ever have a real emergency or if I ever need anything. How many times has Jon offered to lend/give me money when I complain about how poor I am? I have just always pictured he and Karen, and Amy as my support here for some reason. And now I have cut loose. Of course, I will still see them. Especially Jon. But not seeing them on a daily basis will be hard. Quitting was a seriously hard decision. I am still upset about it. I am still working there for now until I am able to find a new job, where I can work nights and weekends, but going in every day is just a little bit bittersweet because it is all ending.
I think that is how I feel in general. That everything I have known u p to this point is ending. Cincinnati, school, work. So basically my entire life. People who know me well, know that i like to have things planned...and planned well in advance and to the detail. I think the uncertainty of everything right now is what is bother me so much. In nine months what the fuck am I going to be doing?! Not a clue. Not a single freaking clue. And even worse I have no idea what I WANT to do. Which is the strangest feeling for me. I always know what i want. I am a decision maker. I am good at it. And I am usually right. And now, I am completely lost and being lost is very out of my element. I need the reassurance of my own opinions. Not having one is the scariest thing in the world.
Anyway, moving on to happier topics. My apartment this year is completely kick ass nice, beautiful, I adore it. It is huge. It faces Union Square and has a whole wall of windows overlooking it. It is easily easily the best room Michelle and I have head to date. It is almost too big. We don't have stuff to fill it. We need new furniture or something. I am thinking about a trip to Ikea when I get a chance.
Thus far this first week of school, I have seen a LOT of Sarah, which is to be expected since we do have class together five times a week. Deutsch. Which I am loving! Who would have thought German would have been my favorite class this semester? So weird! But it is easy so far and I like most of the people in it and it is totally enjoyable. Besides Sarah, I have of course been spending a lot of time with Michelle, who I had forgotten how much i missed. We do live well together. Although we are probably bad for each other. We are both so antisocial-ish and content to sit at home and be ridiculous together that we spend too much time at home together. I've seen a lot of Maggie. Who I love. And Paul of course. Who I have also seen a surprising amount of. He and I have arranged a weekly lunch date. Every wednesday at 2 at Weinstein. Sometimes with maggie. And also Jacqui, of course. Who I miss having around on a daily basis. I got sort of used to living with her over the summer and now it is weird not to see each other all the time. A theme thus far has been alcohol. Which is probably why I am in tonight instead of out with all the others. I needed a break from the craziness and expensiveness of the "out" scene. But now that Michelle and I are 21, we have developed this bad habit of going out for dinner and stopping at a bar on the way home and just having a couple drinks. No wonder i am already behind in my classes. Last night we were at Coffee Shop and this druuuuuunk guy next to us at the bar turns to me and is like, "Where did you get that shirt?" And I am like, "In Italy" And then he proceeds to talk to me about Italy for the next half hour...and I could hardly understand a word he said. He was soooo wasted. Clint. He was actually pretty funny, in an aggressive, incredibly drunk man way. I just get uncomfortable around i ncredibly drunk men in bars...I am not sure why. Probably because of so many bad experiences in italy. I will never forget when our group was going to this incredibly packed bar/restaurant, whose name I have completely forgotten, and it was a huge struggle just to get from one side of the room to another. And so we are doing the whole sideways walking thing to squeeze through tiny places and some sleazy italian guy grabs my boob and said something...what was it? It was actually a pretty funny thing to say--OH, he was like "Complimenti, principessa." Ugh, I shudder just thinking about it. By the time we got on the other side of the room where it was less crowded, I was traumatized and Maggie and Sarah and I decided immediately to turn around and go elsewhere. That is so funny. I had sorta completely forgotten that whole night. And then we went to another bar, Mayday, where the three of us could just sit and talk. SO much better. Except then I kept making unintentional eye contact with some guy on the other side of the room. This is my least favorite thing about going out. Is the unintentional eye contact. because you accidentally do it once or twice and then have to check back to make sure HE doesn't think that YOU are interested. And then the eye contact happens all over again. And it continues...until he comes over and asks you if he can buy you a drink. And you have to be the bitch who says no thank you, even though it is perfectly understandable that he thought you were interested. So I kept looking at this guy because he was sitting right behind maggie and sarah so whenever i would look from one or the other, he was just THERE. damn. What a night... I do miss the craziness of Italy, I guess. I definitely miss the complete lack of responsibility...and the freeness of a foreign country. I dunno.
Anyway, I need to put some pajamas on and relax. It is amazing how four days back and the tension in my neck and back are right back with avengeance. Hasn't been like this since december. Weird.
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August 23rd, 2005
02:19 am - ummm...Ode to Nancy...and others
Tonight, I would like to take the time to discuss Nancy (and the rest of the AP physics group.) God knows why I have decided I need to do this instead of going to bed, but here goes:
As I am packing up my room and going through all my childhood toys in the basement so that they can be put into a storage unit until I am ready to reclaim them, it occurs to me how incredibly important some people are to me...and how incredibly unimportant others have become. This summer Paul explained to me his theory on friendship and it dawned on me that I have always believed the same thing, I had just never organized the thoughts into a coherent entity. Paul said, "I have gotten to a place in my life where each of my friends is a friend for a specific reason. I don't have to keep friends around solely because, through the politics of high school society, they have received the title of friend. I have enough of them that I can be a little more selective in the friends I keep from the past and the new friends I make." This is what I love about Paul--he shares my general cynicism about everything, but somehow we both manage to have an incredible amount of fun. So anyway, I got to thinking about the roles that each of my friends play in my life and it occurs to me that some of them have no role except as filler-bench warmers, if you will--you know, the people that round out the team and make it look nice and full but do very little playing. And then there are others, the star players, to continue the analogy, who really make my life what it is.
And thus, it must be said that Nancy is the hot quarterback/student body president/most likely to succeed. And my other starting line up consists of Sarah, Michelle, Maggie, Jacqui, Weez, Brandt, Potts, Alex, Paul and Johnny. A lot of people don't really understand the relationships I have with people, but in particular it has recently been noted that people don't understand me and nancy. I think what I like most about our friendship is that we are basically the same people on the inside, with a very different way of presenting ourselves on the outside. When I am majorly confused about something, whether it be that illusive word that a sentence in an essay needs to be PERFECT, or whether or not to enter into illicit affairs, Nancy is the first person I call. I explain the situation, and she tells me what I think. That is the beauty of our friendship. If I were to assign Nancy an official job position, it would be "Thought organizer." Because Nancy knows me well enough so that if I call her with a problem she already knows what I think the solution to the problem is, even though I am sometimes unaware of it. And then she explains to me what SHE thinks I think and tells me what the solution is. It is hard to put into words exactly, but maybe that is what makes our relationship so amazing.
Thing next that is wonderful about Nancy is that she is actually the only person in the world that I am totally and completely honest with. I never sugar coat things for her. If I think she is being screwed over by a guy or if she is being a total pussy about something I tell her straight out. Here is a very minor example: today nancy calls me to bitch about a few things, but also to tell me that she saw "Must Love Dogs" and adored it. With anyone else, I would probably say something like, "Oh yeah, I saw it a few weeks ago in New York. it was cute." Because why start a needless debate? But what did I say to nancy? "Actually, I saw it a few weeks ago and thought it was sorta crappy. I didn't like Diane Lane. She is old...and will never be as good in anything as she was in "Unfaithful."" And that was that. Also, we understand that whenever anything big happens in life, we call each other first-and it is not out of necessity or obligation, just because we want each other to know first. Like after losing my virginity I drove straight to Nancy's house...or like when Nancy snogged a random, nameless Irishman, she called me in Italy as she walked home from the pub. Or when I took the GREs a couple weeks ago and did really well, I called her first, and even though she didn't answer, it was nice to talk to her voicemail. So I guess what I am trying to say is, if you are confused about why Nancy and I are friends, then you either don't really know who she is, or you have no idea who I am. Because if you knew us both as we are when being completely honest, you would understand COMPLETELY why we are so close.
And as far as the old AP physics crowd goes, I miss them, sooo much. It seems like there are certain groups of people in which drama just totally flourishes, and it is remarkable to me that within this small group of five people, there is a complete lack of drama. If you put me, Nancy, Weez, Potts, and Alex in a room together, no one has underlying tensions/issues with each other. We just have fun-good old fashioned fun. I absolutely LOVE that. So much, I can't explain it. No one talks about each other behind their back, because what could we possibly bitch about? I really miss these people so much.
So I guess lately I have been stressing a lot about not having a homebase here in Cincinnati, and that I thought it would be the end of some of my friendships with people here. And while it probably will be the end to a lot of relationships, the ones that will be ending were not really friendships to begin with. They were the only the benchwarmers anyway. Having a house in a city will in no way dictate who my real friends are. I guess I have come to realize this. And now the thought of this whole facade ending has somehow become...refreshing. It is almost like spring cleaning. If I can pack up the stuffed animals that I have had since I was two years old, all my old barbie dolls, and baby clothes, and diaries, and high school notes and pictures, I can also pack up the important relationships and carry them with me. Lately the idea of starting over again after college has become so attractive to me. But maybe I don't need to make a clean cut from everything, I just need to sweep away some of the remnants of high school that had gotten caught up in the cobwebs. I feel really good about this somehow. I guess all that is left to say is GO TEAM!
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July 22nd, 2005
10:59 pm
Life is...well great, I guess. This summer has been pretty amazing in its own ways despite all the crazy breakdowns. I still have no freaking clue what is going on in my life. I've decided to not worry about it for a little while. Classes are going well, I think. Midterms ended last week. I got a B+ in the Holocaust and an A in Ancient Greece. Which translates into decency. The Holocaust bores me to all hell an makes me want to die a small death every time i look at my watch in there. The teacher is so bad. I wish he had stayed at UC where he belonged. I thought it was so funny that I leave Cincinnati to come here only to have a UC teacher. And I hate him. But alas, it is the summer, what does one expect?
Am spending a ridiculous amount of time with Jacs and Sarah. Before Paul left to go home, we saw each other at least a couple of times a week. I freaking adore that boy. And although I talk to Johnny at least once a day, I've only spent a handful of nights with him. I will be both sad and really happy to be back home for a little while. I need a breather. Especially before next semester. So remember that away message a little while ago which so many of you responded to, that said " Should I kill myself next semester or not?" So the official decision has been made to go ahead with the murder. This was decided by:
a. taking not only German, but Intensive German
b. taking Advanced Latin in addition to the above mentioned.
c. Agreeing to not only do an honors thesis, but to doing two...
d. Agreeing that, in addition to the other two language classes, both of the theses will involve more latin translation.
e. the process of applying to grad schools...maybe.
f. working for Jon and hopefully an additional job to save money for the next summer.
So these are the plans. In addition to German, Latin, and my theses classes, I am taking "Jesus, the Jews and the Romans" and "Theories and Methods in the Study of Religion" which, according to the professor i met with the other day, I will absolutely hate. Although I already adore him so hopefully it'll even itself out.
In other news, I have hurt my foot. I do not know what is wrong with it. But intense pain...frequently.
The other night Sarah cooked Jacs and I a fiorentina dinner and we watched all the completely awful drunken movies I had made with her camera in Italy. They are so ridiculous. I love/hate them. I am hoping to download them all onto my computer before I come home in August to show people. I like really enjoy being drunk, but hate how ridiculously stupid I sound when i am. There are 5 or 6 movies that I have made of absolutely nothing while I lay on Sarah's bed. Like me just talking to the camera or to other people who are paying me no attention. A lot of it involves me focusing the camera on stationary objects and talking about them..like sarah's computer or the ceiling. Awful.
Anyway, I am hoping to have those and Charlene's before the next two weeks fly by.
I think it is off to bed with me now. Much love.
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July 8th, 2005
01:23 pm - Feeling a little bored at work...thought i would share this with y'all
This is probably only funny to us classics majors...
BUSH REGALES DINNER GUESTS WITH IMPROMPTU ORATORY ON VIRGIL'S MINOR WORKS
WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests Monday, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists, and friends with a spirited, off-the-cuff discussion of the Roman poet Virgil's lesser-known works.
"Ah, W. was in top form tonight," Spanish foreign minister Josep Pique Camps said. "We were all held captive by his erudition and charm. First, a brief history of the opium trade, then a bit of Brahms on the piano, then a rousing discussion of Virgil. That boy is a wonder, isn't he?"
According to guests, the subject of Virgil arose serendipitously, when a servant opened a window in the Red Room, to which the group had retired for after-dinner drinks. Noticing the breeze, Bush raised his glass and delivered a toast to the changing of the seasons. He then apologized to "lovely Winter," explaining that he "meant no slight against her."
"The first blush of Spring always reminds me of Virgil's words," Bush said. "In early spring-tide, when the icy drip / Melts from the mountains hoar, and Zephyr's breath / Unbinds the crumbling clod, even then 'tis time / Press deep your plough behind the groaning ox / And teach the furrow-burnished share to shine."
"Book One of The Georgics, of course," Bush added.
Bush arranged the small, informal dinner in honor of Camps' unexpected arrival in America.
"It had been too long since I'd heard one of W.'s anecdotes, so I simply got on a plane," Camps said. "I showed up at his doorstep with a watercolor by Ignat Bednarik, whom I know he adores, just to make sure he'd let me in."
Bush confessed that he has "long held a fascination with the classical world," noting that his love of Roman history influenced his decision to enter politics.
"Virgil was born in the year 70 B.C.—let's see, that would be during the consulship of Gnaeus Pompeius The Great and Marcus Licinius Crassus, if I'm not mistaken," Bush said. "It is said that while Virgil's mother was with child, she dreamt she gave birth to a laurel branch, which, upon touching the ground, sprang up into a full-grown tree, its branches laden with ripe fruits and flowers. The next morning, she gave birth to Virgil. The legend goes that Virgil was born without crying, so mild was his countenance."
According to White House regulars, it is not uncommon for Bush to engage guests in discussions of whatever subject strikes his fancy, from the symphony playing in the background to the history of a style of jewelry a guest happens to be wearing.
"I love to hear George hold court on this or that," said Bush family friend and world-renowned physicist Norberta Münter. "I tell him he is such a spoiled brat, the way he demands our attention, but I must confess I can't take my eyes off him when he does."
As the group sipped apple martinis and, in Bush's words, "recovered" from the Chilean sea bass, the president continued.
"Most primarily associate Publius Vergilius Maro with The Aeneid," Bush told guests. "Yet so much pleasure is to be found in his lesser-known works—The Eclogues, completed in 37 B.C., and The Georgics, in 30 B.C., both of which praise the idyllic rural life."
"You have to remember I'm a bit of a farm boy myself," chuckled Bush, referring to his 1,600-acre ranch in Crawford, TX.
"The Bucolics are my personal favorite," Bush said. "They were basically a thank-you to Asinius Pollio for preventing the seizure of Virgil's land by the Triumvirate when they ordered the lands on the far banks of the river Po distributed to veterans of the victory at Philippi. They are so sublime, so inspirational. But why should I speak, when Virgil can do so himself? And far more eloquently, I might add."
Bush then recited a selection from The Bucolics in the original Latin, pausing occasionally to translate into French out of respect for his friend Amélie du Maurier, a young Parisian concert violinist in attendance. Earlier in the evening, a blushing du Maurier admitted to Bush that she did not know Latin. Bush eased the young woman's embarrassment with a joke.
"I wouldn't be surprised if your father forbade you from learning Latin, out of sheer distaste for res publica," said Bush, alluding to du Maurier's ancestors' place in the ousted French aristocracy.
Despite urging from dinner guests to continue his Bucolics recitation, Bush declined.
"I have already taken up far too much of your valuable time with my classical nattering," Bush said. "I dearly wish I could give you back this hour during which you so graciously indulged my dilettantism, but, as Plautus said, 'Factum est illud, fieri infectum non potest.' Done is done, it cannot be made undone."
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01:34 am - Am aging...am apathetic...am sad.
This is going to be rambling and probably nonsensical because, a. I am partially drunk, and b. have not had more than 5 hours of sleep/night in the past 20 years.
So please tell me at what point I became legitimately old? Today, I did something strange. I went to Freshman Orientation. Three yearsw ago, I was doing the exact same thing, and I was completely overwhelmed and lost in this big old city. And today, I returned, this time as a complete outsider. Surrounded by several hundred soon to be Freshman, I have never felt so old. After three years of hearing the cliche jokes about NYU, the same sort of jokes that every campus has-they are repeated five thousand times by every class that enters the school and yet never seem to be stop being funny-I endured the same ones, while the freshman around me wondered what exactly a Sternie was. It was all for Paul, my dearest Paul, who returns to orientation every year as a leader-aka the first person you actually associate with the next four year sof your life. During NYU's orientation, we do a talent show-half of the people in it are the incoming freshman who volunteer and the orientation leaders. Paul appeared in a gag on the song "Popular", which had since been converted to "Fabulous", and included lines like, "Gay by may-hah more like Gay by october." He then appeared in drag as Jessica Simpson later on, which was the real highlight. And oh so funny. That boy never ceases to amaze me with his talent. It was so strange though to be surrounded by Freshman, to be back in that hopeful, I have no idea what this place is going to be like but it must be great because the sidewalks sparkle sort of mentality. It sort of amazes me how my love for this school has changed over the years. At first you do still have those stars in your eyes, "Oh my god, NYU is the number One Dream School in America! I am so lucky." And then slowly, the stars fade to tiny sparkles, as the periphery of constant homelessness and desperation starts to set in and soon by the second half of sophomore year, the whole college thing is 'so over' and one begins to wonder what the fuck we are doing here anyway. But peace reasserts itself slowly, and as the end approaches you realize what a gift you have been given to live in such a place for 4 years, to attend a school that gave you a quick lesson in the dichotomies of a love/hate relationship. Because there is nothing an NYU student loves to do more than hate the whole institution. but secretly, when we are out of the city, when the sidewalks no longer sparkle and the acrid smell of urine is only a distant memory, NYU represents something so much larger than just the corporation it is-it is freedom. It is a place where you can get on a stage and say Fuck, because God knows if that had happened at home, there would be detentions involved, maybe suspensions.
Alright, so I don't remember any longer where exactly I was going with all that and to be honest, I don't care. That seems to be the theme of my entire being lately. I just don't fucking care anymore. Example: a boy in my Greek class today, whom I have disliked for awhile now, explicitly said something which pinpointed him as a diehard Bush-Supporting Republican(a ginormous NONO in NYU land), and did I take him down-embarass his stupid ass in front of the class? No. Because I don't care anymore. When did apathy become my overriding emotion? When did the passionate Jen end, and the indifferent one begin? The only emotions I seem to have anymore are so convoluted that I don't even understand them. So i have been trying to comprehend my own complexity of emotions I am feeling as I enter my last year of college. Relief that this whole charade will end soon. And a lot of it is a charade. I have met so many women here who are seriously the girls who came to college, not to educate themselves and prepare for a career, but to find a husband who will buy them stuff, so many people who hate the whole act of education but know that a college degree is needed to get anywhere in this world, and others who are just too fucking stupid to be in academia anyhow. So there is excitement about the possibility of moving on to higher education, finally schooling that can legitimately be called higher. But at the same time, my existence has become so anachronous, If someone were to ask me how old I feel, what age I think I should be, I don't have a fucking clue-17? 42? No clue. All I know is that this life is passing quickly. And soon, high school, college, my dissertation, marriage, kids...life will only be a memory, an entire spectrum of memories so alive and vibrant within an aging body, whose time is nearly gone. And yet the sidealks shall still sparkle...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/stressed_sr.gif) restless
Current Music: Tegan and Sarah
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12:52 am
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) smoked a joint
(x) drank alcohol
( ) crashed a friends car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) snuck out of my parents house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't return them
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) been to europe
(x) skipped school
( ) been to mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the rocky horror picture show
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( )
eaten sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the
internet
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x)
miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched the clouds go
by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x)
built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x)
jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a
game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work or school
( ) used a
fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) touched a
snake
(x) been tickled
() been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x)
petted a goat
(x) won a contest
(x) ran a red light
( ) been suspended
from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an
outcast
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way
you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) been obsessed with
post it notes
(x) squished barefoot in the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been
to the opposite side of the country.
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried myself to
sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with markers,
crayons, or colored pencils
(x) sung karaoke
(x) did something you told
yourself you wouldn't
( ) made prank calls
(x) laughed until some kind of
beverage came out your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x)
danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to santa claus
( ) been kissed
under the mistle toe
(x) watched the sunrise with someone you care
about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a
party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
(x) worn
pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge.
( )
ate cat/dog food
( ) told a stranger you love them
(x) kissed a
mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress
(x) had a
dream that you married someone.
(x)
glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck on a flag pole
( )
kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) been a
cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your
lungs
(x) done a one handed cart wheel
( ) talked on the phone for more
than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn’t take a shower for a
week
(x) picked an apple right off the tree
(x) had a tree house
(x)
are scared to watch scary movies
(x) believe in ghosts
(x) have more than
30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn an ugly outfit to school just to see what people
say
( ) gone streaking
(x) played ding dong ditch
( ) played
chicken
(x) got pushed in a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told
you're beautiful by a stranger.
( ) broken a
bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a
butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(
) mooned someone
(x) had someone moon you
(x) had a britney spears
CD
(x) forgotten someones name
(x) slept naked
(x) french braided
someones hair
( ) grown a beard
( ) belonged to the KKK
(x) went to a
park
(x) done random things in wal-mart
( ) kissed in a pool
( ) skinny
dipped
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July 4th, 2005
10:09 am - Back in the City...
Coming back to NY for the summer has been a strange experience thus far. Firstly, because this is my last summer before graduation-a scary thought if I ever heard one. But also strange because the people with whom I am surrounded are entirely composed of Florence people. Thus, at first things are all slightly off kilter and it is a little odd to be sitting in my bedroom watching tv with Jacs and Sarah...because we have never watched tv together. It is like a constant show of doing normal things here with people, who have become some of my closest friends, and yet all of it is new somehow. I can't really explain it. Take for example, last weekend when Jacs and I went to the El Cantinero on University and then to see "Bewitched". So this particular Mexican place is firmly associated in my mind solely with two people-Yoly and Michelle. And to be there with Jacqui is amazing...but still brand new. And to do something so simple as to go see a movie, which with your normal friends is so NOT a big deal, but for us--people who have shared everything with each other--it is new and the usual familiarity of going to the movies with old friends is basically dashed upon the rocks. See, if I go to the movies with Nancy, I know we will get Icees and maybe candy. With Mom it will be a soda and popcorn, with Michelle we would buy our stuff before going to the theater and smuggling it in. I know the locations in theaters all of my friends like to sit, whether or not they like to talk during the movie, or if they like to watch the credits. So you see, these rituals which, here in America, are such an intricate part of daily life, don't exist in Italy-or at least they didn't exist for us. So something so simple as seeing Bewitched with a close friend, becomes something slightly awkward in a way, you have to ask the questions to which one would normally know the answers.. "Do you want anything to eat? Where do you want to sit? etc...etc.." And I find that I am different around them, because the interactions we are used to having don't quite match the interactions NY usually presents. Like the other night, Jacs and I were sitting down trying to do homework, and really not wanting to, and all of a sudden, I am like "Let's take a walk." So we do. Because this is what we are used to doing. I think Jacs and I had done homework together once before in our lives. So trying to sit silently together and work is basically impossible. But walking around a city late at night for no reason-now THAT we are used to. So we did-for a half hour until Sarah called and told us she couldn't do her homework either and did we want late night Ben and jerry's? So anyway, I am rambling. What I am trying to get at, is that living in NY with the Firenze team has put everything slightly off kilter-but only in the very minor details.
I guess maybe I should record a little of what i have been up to. I moved in two weeks ago (although it seems a helluva lot longer than that.) and immediately started working again (so nice to see Jonathan again). And then classes started a week ago. They are interesting--The History of Ancient Greece and The Holocaust. The first I am adoring, the second is slightly unexciting because I've taken another class exactly like it. But it is the only one which will satisfy my majors. I have been spending most of my time with Jacs and Sarah of course, but also see Paul, Char, Johnny, and DiDi on occasion. "The Boys," if you will remember from Firenze, consist of Johnny and Matty and sometimes Paul, although for some reason he tends to get stuck in a separate Paul only category, came to visit us late the other night. I forget just how much I miss them. They are so entirely wrapped up in the whole concept of Florence to me, for some reason, more than the others, that it is weird to have them sitting in my apartment... Perhaps it is because I did a lot of sightseeing with them, or spent the most time just wandering around Florence with them, or seeing Rome... I don't know. I also did that with Char. Maybe it is because I never did boring old daily routine stuff with them, since they didn't entirely live with us. Thus, we never went grocery shopping together or search for random stores together, or did homework together. It was absolutely amazing to see them though.
Paul has been an easier transition. Towards the end of the semester, we had been spending a lot of time with Paul so those daily routines became somewhat associated with him. But also there was the time together in Cincinnati, which makes NY seem like cake. We went to the Gay Pride Parade because Paul was marching in drag. It was amazing. The highlight for me came when Hillary walked by. Like, I knew that the politicians walk in the parade but for some reason it didn't even strike me that she would be there, but then she walked by and waved and I was so excited and taken aback that I cried. This woman is my hero, and having read her biography and autobiography was amazing enough, but to see her in person really moved me. I know that sounds fairly stupid to all of you (except maybe Nancy), but this woman has led the life I have only dreamed of...and she was able to do not because of her family or her connections or wealth, but because of sheer intelligence. Those of you who know me, and REALLY know me, understand how much that concept means to me.
This past weekend, I went to Reading to visit the parents for Dad's birthday. It was good to see them, as always. And Reading has a ridicilous amount of outlet malls, so of course i went shopping...and shopping...and shopping. A list of what I purchased: a wallet, Mac makeup (yay for affordability...sort of), my favorite perfume (Escada, Ibizie Hippie)-which I originally purchased on an amzing sojourn with Nancy to Windsor Canada, five pairs of undies, two bras, a tee shirt, a BEAUTIFUL dress (which shall be worn next weekend for The light in the Piazza and Jon's wedding), and two pairs of pajama pants. All in all, a successful trip.
I got back yesterday into the city, and Jacs and I went to see "Heights", an incredible movie with Glenn Close in it. If it is playing anywhere around you, GO SEE IT. It is so real. I loved it. And this morning, I got up early to wash clothes, and to prepare to go to Wagner park, my most favorite place in the city. I can not wait. Tonight we have a rooftop bbq at Suzy's apartment to watch the fireworks. Should be a good time.
In other news, I have started my list of grad schools to which I plan on applying...
1. Stanford
2. Princeton
3. University of Cincinnati
4. Emory (maybe, because Jacqui's dad could help)
This is terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Nuff said. I do not want to stress myself out this early in the day. Now to the shower. Much love to all.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/pensive_sr.gif) nostalgic
Current Music: Tiger Woods- Dan Bern
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June 6th, 2005
02:09 am - Songs
So I have just downloaded a client for Livejournal and it may be the highlight of my week. I LOVE it. Which means this entry may be slightly ridiculous
So, because everyone is doing this whole song thing, I guess I shall join in, although i will not tell anyone else to do it, because I don't like the idea of forcing people into things. If they like the idea, then they can do it themselves. So...
6 Current Faves
1. Extreme - More Than Words
2. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
3. Eros Ramazotti - Un'Emozione per Sempre
4. Snoop and Justin Timberlake - Signs
5. Wir Sind Helden - Gekommen um zu bleiben
6. Tennessee Ernie Ford - Sixteen Tons
Yes, I realize that this is a ridiculously strange collection of songs, but they all remind me of something...and since I am hideously bored, I shall record here, why I love them.
1. More than Words--sitting on the Ponte Vecchio or on the Huge Concrete Table on campus, this song was everywhere in florence the last couple of days. I just kept running into it. First, the amazing night directly after La Giostra and then later from Andrew with his guitar.
2. Wish You Were Here--Similar reasons, but an even more concrete memory. At the beginning of last semester, school held a fundraising talent show for the tsunami victims-this was one of the songs they performed--and it meant so much because we had been gone from home for about a month and were missing people at home...but now it reminds me of sitting in the dark Blue Room in Villa Natalia with Mel on my left and Johnny on my right, slightly tipsy because we figured a school talent show would be more fun with a couple bottles of wine, and stroking Johnny's arm or rubbing his shoulders because he put his arm in my lap and said, tickle it?
3. Un'Emozione per Sempre--This was actually a song we listened to in Italian class. Our teacher-Catarina, whom I miss-would play popular Italian songs and give us a page with most of the lyrics on it...we had to listen to the song and fill in the random words which were missing, and then we had to listen to the song again and sing with it, to make our mouth say italian words together quickly. It, naturally, was my most favorite activity in Italian class.
4. Signs--I adore this song. The first time I heard it was sitting in the Florence Sports Bar with Maggie, Paul, and Jan (pronounced Yon-as in a Swedish John), surrounded by lots of tvs playing MTV Europe, eatting burgers, fries, and beer. Although it is slightly off, because they think burgers and fries should GO TOGETHER, so the fries come on the burger, in between the cheese and the ketchup (was strange at the time, but now I would die for one...). And the song came on, and we were all like, "Whoa, Snoop and JT together...a little strange..." and then, "WHOA is that Snoop actually singing?! And sounding GOOD? Oh my gosh!!" And then I forgot about it completely until I came home and was driving somewhere with my brother and he played this song--and I had an intense flashback to Florence, and decided I needed to download it immediately.
5. Gekommen um zu bleiben--Paul, Charlene, and I went to Hamburg and the first night, Char fell immediately asleep, but Paul and I laid awake for a long time watching MTV Europe (but German styles this time) and they kept playing this AMAZING German bad, Wir Sind Helden (Which Paul has lovingly translated for me as "We are Helden"). This video is sooo funny, because there is this main girl, dressed 40s style and then she has these 4 male band members who dance around in the background and look somewhat ridiculous. The rest of the long weekend we kept finding them everywhere-they are hugely popular in Germany. paul was determined to buy the album before he left, but then he forgot. I believe he bought one on his next trip there. I on the other hand, downloaded mine illegally from the internet. Shocking.
6. Sixteen Tons-- Inspired by that fun GE commercial with all the hot coalminers, I have taken a liking to Tennessee Ernie Ford and downloaded a bunch of his music, most of which is religious, but I ADORE this one. Sorry this doesn't really have much story behind it...
So it would appear that the theme of these songs relates to me being abroad, really it is more the people...I am missing them hardcore right now. The next few days should be amazing though, Paul and I are getting together a couple times. Can't wait to see him...and soon it'll be back to NYC to see all sorts of them-Matty, Johnny, Jacqui, Char, Teeny, Mel, and Sarah. I absolutely can not wait. Speaking of these people, I need to give Maggie a call soon.
Oh my gosh, they have quixotic as one of the LJ moods-that is amazing. For all you Facebook "Not To Be Pretentious" people, please note Maggie and I will try to work on updating the word soon, but she has been in Morocco, etc. And we will have to do the conferencing long distance. Is not gonna be easy, especially while she is on Mount Kilamanjaro.
In other news, apparently we are doing another get together at my house this saturday at 7. Should be fun. Can't wait to see you there!
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Gianni Morandi
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